Il Ham Mai Hum

Monday, April 23, 2007

You may be good at the language, but you are bad with words.

It dawned upon me. The way that I had been acting, the way that I have treated someone and now I feel guilty. Guilty as I had been punished. The kind when you knew you were doing something really wrong, knowing that the punishment would come sooner or later but you still carried on, pushing the limit, pushing your luck. It struck me like a thunderbolt, an infinite pound bullet train slamming into you at breakneck speed, a heavily armed tank dropping on you right out from the sky. But there is nothing worse than the guilt. The guilt of being greedy, the guilt of thinking too far. I feel like the dirty mistress who was discovered but eventually dumped. The feeling of nothingness, emptyness, like everyone scorns at you for doing that great big sin.

Letting my mouth to always do the talking. Too much talking. My mouth is and has forever been my one true weakness. Along with my one true strength. I tried from before to change, to reverse this habit that I have put myself into but unfortunately to no avail. To the change in attitude, for one day it will bring me down.

They say teen love never lasts. They got it wrong. Love do last but in different circumstances. Not every story has a happy ending. Neither do they have a sad ending too. It's always the middle, where both parties will part towards their own paths. It's hard. To see one get hurt, to see one cry. One can never be certain. Only time will tell.

It is a time for change. Spiritually, mentally, physically, psychologically. Change in character, change in the ways of life. Connected more to religion, to family, as they are the only ones who would be with me till time stops. For me. It's time to change, to be a different person. People may not like it. Characteristics of the old will still be there, there would be no two persons but there will be one new person.

It is time to end all problems. I'm not like this. It isn't my way of life. To be depressed and sad day in day out. No one knows, no one will ever know. Thanks to this rock hard wall that was set up subconsciously. It can never be broken down. Unless I break down. Yes it is a time for change. To repent the sins, to seek forgiveness, from the almighty, from the ones affected. I'm sorry.
This is only stage one in the theatre of change.

my heart shattered when you uttered those words...

ilham26 @ 8:01 pm
Crawls around your room
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I love you for reading my nonsense. Okay you can stop smiling now.