Il Ham Mai Hum

Thursday, January 31, 2008

So much for 'missing' each other so much.

it didnt even feel like it used too.

and do you want to know why i was like that.

it's cos we've all always been like that.

i stayed the same so why must you guys change.

so whos to blame.

it just didnt feel the same.

ilham26 @ 10:46 pm
Crawls around your room
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****hub you bunch of MOTHERFUCKERS.

Sorry for not making it to your 'big' send off Ching! =(

But i ate like never before today.

And for some reason, there were so much pretty girls around town.

Either that or i am really turning into a typical guy.

Wtf.

Well it must be because of....

TOO MUCH COFFEH!

Yeap definitely =D

ilham26 @ 4:38 am
Crawls around your room
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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Why. Only for a few quid, must one steal something so worthless to one but of so much importance to another.

Why deny it when the situation is staring right in front of you. And the crumble after the mention of authorities.

Loss of face, loss of dignity. Why do it in the first place?

But most importantly, why must you be Malay.

So many. So many doing things to disgrace this beautiful culture, race, people.

You, both. Such a disgrace. You know it and I hope it sticks to you like a fly to garbage. Because, your actions, certainly makes you equivalent to garbage.

What am I talking about you ask?

I was working today when a middle aged chinese man came up to me saying that his wife realised that she left her phone just 5 minutes after they left. They came back to find the phone missing and switched off (they tried calling it).

Theft being written all over but still in denial, the couple tried to find it. Suspicions arose after a teenaged couple was seen leaving after the victims. But suspicions are as suspicions go. Which are neither true nor false. Just based on sight and speculation.

Questions asked to another couple seated near them. Quick were they to shake their heads in denial. Alas, to hide the truth.

"There's nothing we can do." Said the manager. So we had to leave the chinese couple to keep searching in false hope, wondering aloud upon what happened, what they will do.

Make a police report, was one that was spoken. The effects felt by the guilty. Surrendering towards guilt, they returned the stolen phone to its rightful owner.

Idiots. I hope you know that.

The nerve of some people.

Can you not be malay. This race has suffered enough with people like you.

ilham26 @ 1:53 am
Crawls around your room
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Saturday, January 26, 2008

After completing my Internet Application Design project which needed me to make my own website with designs and stuff, I came to a conclusion that...

I don't draw.

Yes. However much you would like me to do it, I just can't.

It's not the lack of ideas though. Hell, i've got a whole lot of ideas crammed up in my little head already, with many more to come. Just ask my classmates. Hah.

Ask me to think up of a design. Give me a piece of canvas and oil paint.

You'll get random streaks of unorganized color.

But give me a pen and a piece of writing paper.

And my dear, I'd describe to you every single intimate detail about my idea. Down to the very last bit.

Why? I may never know. Maybe I'm really not meant for art art. Maybe theater art or the art of language is really my forte. What maybe? It already obviously is.

Still, it doesn't hurt to try. Although, it's like me singing to myself. Note: TO MYSELF.

But everything else is fine and dandy nonetheless =).

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I awoke to the though of the drama lesson exactly last week.

There was an exercise where we were supposed to lie down and just imagine. Fields of grass. Glass grass. A giant tree. A loved one.

A loved one.

Yes, we could imagine a family member. But that was too common, i thought.

So, I flipped through the pages of my memory. Searching for someone that I must have feelings for, either a bucket load or a drop.

What came out was nothing. The so called being was....faceless. Only the sweetest smile was imagined. Only the fairest, most smooth silky skin on her hand was imagined. But other than that, no eyes, ears, nose. The rest of her body was this collage of colors swirling.

It was sad...really. But what's new?...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I went for a play in Ngee An Poly. Acted out by the Poly Stage Factor (apparently their theater group's name).

Honestly, i was abit disappointed, if not a lot.

I expected a much grandeur event honestly. Something that would put last year's PEOPLE production to shame. But exaggerations-smexaggerations.

Still, there were few who stood out. Kudos to them.

Storyline wise...hmm...didn't really catch it.

But i love the part where the daughter finally told the retard mom that her sister is dead. Love the daughter's use of tone variation. Plus her accent is nice =)

But the ultimate praise goes to the Phillipino maid (oh kaye nakamura, not you =P). How can one hold on and sustain such an accurate accent throughout. Wow.

So to any NP people reading this, if you know who they are, tell them; the maid, the daughter, the retard mom and the granddad that they did a good job.

=D

Maybe some pictures for colour? =)

Gangsta and his shorty. And yes we're still muslim =)

Now thats something you dont see everyday...Must be dreaming of BIG JUGs..
OF MILK. You sickminded bastards...

Aww and this just melts my heart. I love my lil niece so much...its not even funny.
HAH!

ilham26 @ 5:18 am
Crawls around your room
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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Lets see.

I have not been home early for the past few weeks.

Have not been home early as in ill always reach home around 11pm onwards.

Today i came home early at around 8 and i realised this.

My dad bought a new car.

My mom has been in kl for the past 2 days.

I can't stay at home at night for more than 2 hours or ill get real bored and laze around.

Maybe its safe to say that I'm and outside person =).

Hmm so lets see,

DEP check
CCT check
GD lab and assignment check.

Whats left?

PMP project
IAD project
GD project
TPSSproject
DE common test
PMP exam
IAD exam
DCN exam

Incredible.

ilham26 @ 11:46 pm
Crawls around your room
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It just takes a great laid back heart warming movie,

to show you that life is hard but bearable.

And that you should just have fun.

And not let small little problems

ruin you.

=)

Oh and people, I DO NOT like Erin. We're just really good friends. So please.

ilham26 @ 1:51 am
Crawls around your room
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Sunday, January 13, 2008

To people concerned, even if i don't know.

Don't know who you people are.

I'll take a blunt blade, and ill slit your throats.

Slit it slowly, to make you feel the pain.

It'll be blunt, harder to cut.

Then maybe at last.

You can shut the fuck up.

Cos you guys, you ruined a whole lot of things.

ilham26 @ 9:20 pm
Crawls around your room
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Its 1.11 am and im opening tmr at 8 so i must wake up at 630 but i really have to post this.

Today has been a blast! why? its kind of an unorthodox blast day way but hey lets just fill you in yea?

Okay lets see...

Morning - afternoon:

SUPER BLAST OF A PERFORMANCE. First one superb, 2nd one superber! I feel so connected with the dramaettes involved and honestly, i will really miss waking up early to report at 9am and then have fun with you guys the whole day. So the first event with the new committee has turned out to be one hell of a great time, i can't wait for the future productions. =)

Evening-night:

I MET ERIN! YAY! GAVE HER A SUPER BIG TIGHT HUGGGGG!!! Ill talk to you tomorrow okay? =)

Work was super fun. Why? Because super fun people were there. And what made it funner was THE MANAGER. Sebastian AKA Gay boy AKA Micheal son (not theres no 's there). hahaha. Thank you so much for understanding my situation. I owe you big time man!!! AND STOP SLAPPING MY ASS FOR GODS SAKES! GAYBOY!

Annas, Fiq, Imah, Wan. YOU GUYS ARE GREAT! And to think i had thoughts of quitting work..pfft.

Aaaah met sakinah too! I miss hanging out with you and the rest. But please, go study and not walk on slippery rocks. (I have something to tell ya..ssshhh!!!)

BEST moment of the day:
Annas: Hmm what shall i do now?
Gay Boy: SUCK COCK AND DIE!!!

HAHAHAHAHA SHIT!!!

Night:

I took a taxi home as i was only preclosing and i can't stay for closing as i'm opening tomorrow. Opening closing closing opening pre pro closing opening clopening opesing..okay sorry.

GUESS WHAT!? The taxi driver talked to me about downloading porn on the internet, tammy nyp, watching porn, teenagers having sex. HAHAHAHA.
WHAT A FREAKY RIDE! but it was entertaining though.
Good thing that he was into normal porn...not...gay porn. Or else i might end up in some part of thailand or mainland china. Ewwww. haha

PEOPLE. IM ON TEMPORARY EUPHORIA. Thus my problems arent over yet.

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I have many things to ask you you know.

How are you? How are your projects going? Are you okay? Hows your piano playing coming along? How was your first day at madrasah? Did you like it? Did you manage to catch drama? Are we still exercise buddies? and so much more..

more importantly...what was it that you wanted to tell me?

and most importantly....

why the sudden disappearance?...=(

I really really miss your company...

ilham26 @ 1:06 am
Crawls around your room
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Wednesday, January 09, 2008

For the first time in drama.

I feel lost, emotionless, thoughtless, expressionless.

It is like i've suddenly totally forgot how to act. I've suddenly forgot to put myself into another's shoes and the 6 fundamentals of drama.

I feel like, im just part of the audience, dragged up and thrown into the mad rush of acting. And being forced to act.

I feel uncomfortable. With myself, my character.

Why? It has never been like this. From production to drama nite to alumni nite and to the little plays in between. Never once have i felt this feeling.

The feeling of...not wanting to be on stage.

I get distracted so easily. I lose character so easily. I feel as if i don't know what to do out there. I feel self conscious. I feel awkward. I feel stiff. Why now? why?

Maybe there's just too many stuffs on my mind.

Get it over with ham. Performance is tomorrow.

God, help me.

OH GOSH I FORGOT THAT TODAY IS AWAL MUHARRAM! Oh man and i DIDNT even solatted maghrib. =(

I couldve read the 2 doa's. Insyaallah my sins would be forgiven.
but i didn't.

I should have known. =(

ilham26 @ 11:42 pm
Crawls around your room
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Everything i do nowdays.

Theres no feeling.

Even if theres joy, excitement, happiness.

No feeling.

Eating, sleeping, walking, sitting.

No feeling.

During drama, in school, at home, at work.

Just no feeling.

Even when praying. Till i tend to drift off. And feel no need to do it again.

My behaviors getting from bad to worse. I'm so rude now. To friends and family.

I really don't know whats happening to me.

Oh and to some person. Thank you for suddenly drifting away. Thank you. When i just found someone real fun to talk with, to share things with. You suddenly go away. I don't understand it. Okay maybe i might be overreacting and maybe you're just busy. But....never mind.

Maybe thats why you looked so shocked.

Is it just so hard to find someone to talk to?

ilham26 @ 5:10 pm
Crawls around your room
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Tuesday, January 08, 2008

I'm having a major blog block. So no posts till then.

I do need someone to talk to right now though.

Too bad the one i want isnt around.

pfft.

ilham26 @ 10:25 pm
Crawls around your room
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I love you for reading my nonsense. Okay you can stop smiling now.